Today's Post

Hey, so my deepest apologies for….ah fuck it.  I’m late again.  We’re all used to it by now so I won’t dwell on the subject.  Listen, I’ve been busy inspiring the minds of those required to listen.  Philippines loves me and the reciprocity couldn’t be more inverse.   So before I jump into the bit I’ve been toiling on let me get something off my chest.

So how’s everyone’s fantasy football league going? Oh man I hope you didn’t draft Peyton Manning.  You guys been picking some good sleepers off the waiver wire?  Uh huh, uh huh yeah, good good.  Hey, FUCK YOU!  I bet you don’t realize how awesome and privileged you are to watch football on Sunday mornings when you’re hung over after a night of Mad Dogs, nachos and white strippers.  I miss my American weekends.  So instead of NFL I have been treated to the spectaculars of badminton, ping pong and I think I even tuned in once for the World Solitaire finals.  Now that shit is epic: double decks, time limits and, and ….damn.  Who am I kidding.  I’ve taken to the bottle again to pass the time. 

But what’s worse is now I’m realizing Asian ESPN was saving the crème de la cum until now, as they seem to have secured the exclusive airing of the WNBA Finals.  Cue the jealous rage!  Personally I’d rather beer bong some acid and blowtorch my scrotum than have to watch that (anymore).  Seriously, no one watches that shit.  Anywhere.  Even the tiny Asians over here aren’t fooled by the fact that the players on TV have breasts.  And suck at basketball.  

So it is with craven humility I even share that I think Minnesota Lynx’s Seimone Augusts is an absolute savage and I can hardly believe she put up 36 in Game 2.  I was edge of my seat watching Atlanta’s McCoughtry put down 38 in a losing effort.  And who wasn’t shocked like a sac in hot oil when Minnesota swept them last night.  Phew! What an amaz…. wait, hold on. Fuck my cock.  It has just come to my attention that I have been the proud viewer of ESPN’s exclusive rights to REPLAY THE FUCKING WNBA FINALS.  I just watched Game 3 last night and I’m looking at the interweb only to discover that the world already forgot this ever happened A MONTH AGO!   Excuse me while I remove my manhood.  I am no longer fit to have it.

But just so you don’t feel too bad for me you should know that I’m heading to Boracay tomorrow for a long weekend.  Google image that shit and weep softly.  And then go watch some NFL.